Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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