When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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