U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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