just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?