did you get engaged???
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick