I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.