Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.