after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.