come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us