so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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