She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
