I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
