my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
