We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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