bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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