Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
