Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
