I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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