dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
