Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
