How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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