Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
