i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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