he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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