I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
