nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
