so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
