I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
