Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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