What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
