My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You pole danced in your parka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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