Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish i was in the wii world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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