o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
