pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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