But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
