Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
