eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
