my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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