Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
