so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
