do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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