Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
