Fuck appropriateness.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
