Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
