Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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