just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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