is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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