Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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