sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
