Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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