Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
