remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
