Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
