yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
