You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
