i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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