I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
