when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
