I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
