How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
