I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize