Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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