I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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