party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
