I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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